Sunday, March 12, 2006

The Grandeur of Gratitude

i just have to word down how it feels to be on the verge of being wasted and sober..just dangling by that ever so fine line yet knowing exactly what you are enunciating. that sort of elucidation of once-mystified memories or surpressed feelings that you just can't face up to because they are too real and large for your consciousness to relate to.

the times i've been here, out of asia, has been quite a turbulent experience, in more a good way than otherwise. friends and company have been absolutely amazing, as with the people back home, who go all the way to make me feel remembered. i think through and through, i've been blessed with the best quotients of this world we live in- people, that become larger than life with what they contribute to my quality of life and to my culmination of memories that i will look back with fondness and forlorness as M is so wildly flattered by. as this past birthday testified (exact quantity of senescence withheld for mental health reasons), i really couldn't ask for more. i'm coming back in 3 months or so and someone at the flat party just posed me a rather difficult question: 'how would u feel on your last day in edinburgh?' i went cold for an instant and thought i would be leaving behind fantastic memories and people behind yet i'm looking forward to seeing people i love and miss back home, whom i'm dying to reunite. this tension is hard but i guess it's just part and parcel of an exchange stint since you can't expect to ship everyone home from your exchange place back home. nonetheless i've gotten the best of both worlds and i'm dying to share it with anyone who's ever so keenly in knowing. so till then, it's been a blast and watch out for the next update!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Antediluvian Inclinations

it's official. the day has dawned. let's not get too detailed with the arithmetics of years- might bring out the darkest of devils in me.

but really it has been a sorta unexpectedly great birthday for me. unexpected in a sense that i imagined without my closest people around me, it might be less of a thrill to celebrate my birthday. however i was proven wrong when person after person did things that touched me in ways i never knew they were capable of. first there were cards/semi-gifts from close friends, namely grace and kelvin. grace with that lovely aesthetic, post-modernist card that's unique in so many ways, and kelvin with those CDs that will keep me company on so many bored nights and essay-tormenting days. then came ek's call who claimed he was right on chronological target when he called at 4ish PM, since I was born in Singapore and thus must go by Singapore time. fair enough- one of the rare times his bullcrap made and my folks called at 2336 my time, promising to cross over my official day of birth over the phone with me. although no ang pao came, i must say this really moved me. as if this was not enough, my sis sent a blanketedly sweet card (albeit a virtual one) that had me in wee tears at the end of it. then came more cards, from shiuan and tim, and the card of cards came, finally, after much anticipation and the retarded work efficiency of Fedex. hsien's amazing booklet of a card which was just beautiful. and the scribblings on the postcards made me feel so close to them, somehow. i'm still at a loss for words, so let the beauty reflect itself.

and today with the dinner party and friends coming for drinks after, topped things off just perfectly. the banter was charming and the company was to die for. as tipsy as i got, i had this thought throughout the night that i have wonderful people in my life with love so encompassing that it darts straight to my very being, and this is regardless of how old i get. a sorta warmness immediately encapsulated me.

so to all people who made this possible, i stand humbled. and thank you doesn't even start to show how much i am grateful for all that has been done. it's been a blast, truly and amazingly.