What a Waste of Rationalisation

there was once a man and woman, who met each other and sparks flew, they congealed into one emotional being and lived happily ever after, never looking back (or elsewhere).

fast forward to our age, that's so outright laughable, a facetious, incredulous situation that even fairy tales find hard to accommodate.

i've finished reading Lionel Shriver's "We Need To Talk About Kevin" and realised why it deserved its Booker Prize a few years back. its treatment of love, parent-child especially and relationships packs so much emotional intensity and perceptive clarity that it's no mere mortal feat to reduce these difficult matters into words and language which often fail us when we need them most. it was almost ironic because i thought that because what she could do so well with words, using it to connect her readers to this topsy-turvy world of negative parenting, perceived or otherwise, it was the very thing that doomed the relationship between Eva and her demonic son (eponymous to title). and love is a duty, no matter how quixotic one sees it and with it comes a whole package of responsibilities and necessary executions that set in once love takes its place. it's never easy but absolutely necessary. in the end, Kevin is changed by Eva's love no matter how he rejects it because by the very act of him consciously rejecting it, he is gaining knowledge of this power and this matters.

but how love becomes the eventual goal is an easy process, contrary to what many think. and no matter how much one rationalises, if one cannot get past a feeling so immense, the feeling will override all reason and rhyme. and the more one employs his arsenal of defence mechanisms, the more claustrophobic he becomes as his ability to feel becomes an increasingly larger trap and he may just miss the very thing that validates his existence as a feeling human being. i've done my fair share of over-analysis but have convinced others to do the opposite, just fall and follow your heart. experience tells us not to trust our heart too easily but life will teach us that our heart is often the most trustworthy ministry where interpretation of feelings are concerned.

i wish i could fall just like that as well, but to fall alone, often means that the injury will be the deepest and most protracted.

Mere Furtive Observations

ok i'm back. it's been awhile since there has been activity here. it's not that there had been nothing to talk about, but sloth got the better of me. and plus i have friends around to execute instantaneous opining/social critiquing.

life's been relatively pleasant and gracious to me. there's been fun, travelling (restless me can't stay still) and friends there are always there when i need them. but dating has been quite a chore, or rather things don't quite work out somehow. and it's getting tiresome going through the entire process from scratch everytime a new person comes along. being acquainted, getting to know the person better, be it a dog or cat person, etc, and basically coming to a conclusion if a future is even vaguely remote. it's not that i'm punctilious with people, but like i tell a certain close friend, you can't help who you get horny over. and that sexual dimension is tremendously important (dun act coy now). i tell myself i'm done- that dating's not for me, too laborious and i'm simply happy in my comfort zone of people i'm comfortable with. and the hope that gets risen is very damning on mental health. once you think someone's right for you and bam, you get slammed back to reality because you know something's just not right.

that brings to point a book i'm reading now and finding it cosmically interesting. it's Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. it speaks of that split second blink moment that affects one's perception and impression of things/people that sticks and hard to erase. i think it's pretty true with dating. imagine a person that just doesn't wipe that salad dressing off his lower left lip, imagine a person that has a laugh of a shriek of a hyena, imagine that person with the mole on the right cheek. it's true that first impression matter, i stand by jane austen when she first decided to name Pride and Prejudice First Impressions. it becomes very entrenched and it takes much to reverse your decision on something/someone. and with this internet age that we're situated in, things become more perversely superficial. because you know there are plenty of opportunities out there and one is not in lack of choices. so once first impressions fail, you know that you can move onto another person. patience is soooo underrated nowadays. that's why things become very dismal- people simply move on and have no patience to try things out. moving on is very in these days. relationships become a furtive object- if it works, good, otherwise i'm gonna move on to some other person.

tonight was fun with dandy D around. but at the end of the night, there was a sense of loss involved. company was great but the sense of purpose was questioned- what's clubbing all about, especially in that sort of situation. but no more am i perturbed by it- i just simply go home and have a sound sleep.

another day, another set of circumstances.